srry 4 not smiling or somethin for the pics but hi im alive and love u all so much. thank u all for giving me the space and time I’ve needed to grow and heal. recovery and sobriety have been a huge challenge during the pandemic and my heart goes out to everyone who’s in this fight with me. i’m safe and i’m sober and every single day I am finding myself more and more. Please remember if you’re struggling with any type of addiction that you’re never alone; and that there’s immense strength in asking for help, not weakness.
Yesterday I was officially 5 months clean from heroin! No flashback pictures this month, just my current state of health. I really am so fortunate to get this second chance. I had a horrible reaction to using once. While I came to the conclusion it was from hitting an artery and having some weird reaction, I showed my nurse today some pictures of it and she said it didn’t have to be an artery, and more likely I hit the vein but that the heroin was laced with something that my body freaked out about. I had a rash covering my body head to toe for weeks (pictures of it were in my coming out video about my addiction), and I kept putting off going to the doctor. my temp kept rising and rising till it hit 106, which is scary close to brain damage. I still just insisted to cool off with a million cold baths. finally, I went in to the doctor the following day. I told them that I was using IV drugs. They gave me antibiotics and steroids and it still didn’t go away for nearly 14 days, but they did freak out and tell me never to wait that long to go to a doctor ever again. He told me that at 103, they start cooling you with ice packs, at 106 you can start seizing, and 107 you can have permanent brain damage and death. It was terrifying to know I truly got in that kind of danger, and I still just stayed at home continuing to pick back up. Once I left the doctor, I picked back up again. A drug meant more than my life. Once when we moved to a new dealer, he made it clear there was fentanyl in the heroin. It terrified me. I refused to touch it. But, when the withdrawals came, it didn’t matter anymore. Early sobriety is tough, but worth it. I know exactly how much hell using brought into my life, I was miserable every day, but yet with addiction, my brain still tells me to go back often. Using the tools in the recovery community though, I can get through that and find my peace again. thank you so much for the support, I can’t believe the last vid on my 2nd channel got over half a million views, I never thought that many people would care to hear about that stuff! I’m so thankful to still be sober and getting stronger. I love you.
When I woke up today the first thing I did was run to my fish tank to see how lil cheese jr (haven’t named him/her yet) was doing, and oh my goodness they were sitting in the polyps????? Out of everywhere they could be in the tank they were takin notes right out of cheese’s handbook???? It’s a sign that cheese is watching over us 😤✊🏻 so I like to upload on Sunday’s typically, but yesterday contained an unexpected surprise and I ended up working on a whole new video to post before the one I planned to post today. I didn’t get it finished in time to post today, so it’ll be up tomorrow at 4:30pm central time!! It’ll be introducing all my new fish including this lil angel :’) don’t miss it!!! After this video the next two weeks will be regular Sunday uploads at 2pm, and second channel uploads on either thursdays or fridays! (Undecided so far) let me know in the comment section and/or go VOTE on my story if you’d prefer Thursday at 7:30pm central time or fridays at 4:30pm central time for my vlog channel!
I haven’t shown mötley in FOREVER! oopsie!!! I also call him chip bc I got him around my 30 day sobriety mark (like an AA chip yakno). But anyways here he is bein cute! I’ve had him for about 5 months now and his wobble is definitely showing more, but that’s the wonderful perks of him being a spider morph. Just a reminder to avoid purchasing snakes that have the spider gene in them due to the fact that it’s directly linked to a neurological disorder that only adds stress to their life!!! idk why breeders still like to intentionally breed this morph knowing what it causes the snakes to go through :( I’m glad mötley’s isn’t too extreme tho and he’s still able to eat fine (with a lil bit of guidance) and get around on his own ❤️
an update on mötley (aka “chip”)! if u don’t know, “he” (i have not sexed mötley yet) was a snake I took in when I lived in austin that wasn’t being cared for too great. He’s a spider morph, which is a morph I never imagined owning. I certainly would never buy one, because I do not agree with the breeding of morphs that have been proven to have defects that reduce the quality of a snakes life associated with them. Spider morphs are top of the list with a genetic trait that causes them to have a wobble, which is a neurological defect. There are no treatments to cure this defect or even help make it more manageable for severe cases. So far the only thing mötley cannot do is figure out how to turn himself rightside up. Basically if he finds himself on his back, he can’t figure out how to turn his body back to align with his head and he ends up sitting in an awkward position waiting for assistance like the last picture shows. He has no issues eating thankfully and has had 2 successful full sheds since taking him in. I don’t know his exact age, but I do know that although he appears to be only slightly larger than hatchlings sold at expos that he is definitely at least 5-6 months old and was chronically underfed before I took him in. I’m hoping his wobble doesn’t become too severe in the future, because this can affect their ability to navigate in their cage and even properly strike at their food. It’s sad that he already shows signs of his wobble, but still im thankful because the symptom he does have at least doesn’t anything to do with a visible shaking of his head (aka where the term “wobble” comes from). The only way to avoid supporting snakes purposely bred that are known to produce genetic defects is to stop buying the morphs linked to the defects. Spider morphs are the most well known morph with a defect, but there are several others that cause kinking, duckbilling, and other defects that could potentially decrease your snakes quality of life simply because you want a certain pattern. For more info, do research into ball pythons morphs linked with defects. There’s hundreds of beautiful morphs you can choose from still, just a few you should avoid!
I’ve been really sad for a few months over the passing of zazu, my dwarf lionfish. He lived a great life for being a newborn when he was brought into captivity (over two and a half years. For a NEWBORN this is good). Earlier this year, I got him a new bigger tank. I initially put him in there when I believed it was done cycling, but then noticed ammonia and nitrate levels rising a month or so into it, so I had my aquarium shop watch him while I waited for the tank crash to adjust itself. They mentioned he was slowly becoming less energetic and he might be getting “old”. I brought him back home because that made me nervous, I kept him in a 20 gal quarantine tank and gave him endless attention but he only lived about two more weeks. Had absolutely no signs of any illness except potentially dropsy. his swimming was a little wobbly. The swimming never became extremely bad but it was definitely something I noticed. Dropsy can definitely be the killer of fish. To be safe, I monitored his swim bladder which never became enlarged and made sure he was eating. Dropsy can be incredibly hard to cure, and a lot of aquarists will literally put their fish to sleep that succumb to it. If this was the case, I did my best to fix it but obviously he never got better. But again, it wasn’t very severe so I am still unsure of if he had it to begin with. wild caught specimen, especially when caught young, simply don’t live extremely long. My shop reassured me that he lived a great life and I’m very happy with the life he lived as well. swipe right for more 🌹